I am scared

Dear K, I have always loved you, and you know that.

Ever since I was sixteen years old, when we laid under the trees, learning and growing in love. 

I have tried to let you go and find someone that moves me more than you, but no one can beat the way you make me feel. Being around you lifts me up - not only do I feel sixteen again, but you make me feel like I couldn’t be anyone better but the person I am when I am with you.

You live there, and I live here, which is why it has never worked. 

I would have followed you always, and you knew that, but... I am scared.

I’m scared of how much I love you, I am scared that you are the person I am in love with, I am scared you don’t love me as much as I love you, I am scared you are going to hurt me again and again, and I am scared of what it means to be trying with you.

I wish we could go back under the trees when we were teenage kids, I wish life wasn’t complicated, I wish we could fall into sweet, all-consuming love and I wouldn’t be scared of the past six years and how much you can move me.

You are heaven - I see my whole life with you.

But are you simply a fantasy? Maybe that’s why I am scared.

I won't ever go again

Reading my own blog, only one thing that captures me is your face. It reminds me how we were together back then, those stories in our unspoken words were magical and something which can't be described; can only be felt in heart and soul.

Many of my friends appreciates what I'm doing because they think I have a good flair of writing that touches their hearts but the truth is that they don't know how I feel, how I'm coping up to overcome your thoughts in my memory. Those thoughts that continuously haunting me every time I met similar objects, places, words, expressions and emotions that relates to you in some or the other way. Its like when people don't know what's going on, they speculate; when they think they know it, they simply fabricate it & when they do know they just hate... I simply hate the fact that I know it very well, and the worst part I have walk away with a fabricated smile for their speculation.

You know it's sad how people claim that they love you, care about you, and yet they replace you so quickly and move to someone else just because they didn't mean it forever. Love is ache, a world that which is filled with a single rose and million thorns.

I came across a similar kind of story of my friend who use to love someone so deeply that she can't go an hour without thinking and talking about him, so much that she just wanted to live forever with that boy, they were perfect together, like they were made for each other... Years passed and she moved to new place far away from his memories with her family, made new friends and started to settle down with the change but it didn't took time and their distances killed their relationship. And sooner they got separated and she never went back to him.
...Perhaps they took a right decision or may be not, who knows the right answer? She never told anything about him after that and that's how story ended. If you are wondering what? who? Where? When? And How? Answer to these questions is that it's my own story, she-he is I-her and rest of things are not much of relevance so you can ignore it anyhow.

Ahhh.. So, I don't have a flair of anything and if is something, it is surely a bad experience of love...
"I probably won't ever go again. That's how bad it's gotten. Not unless something changes"
_unknown

YOU ARE SIMPLY YOU, “ MY UNFORGETTABLE FRIEND, A MAN OF WISDOM”

I was walking by the bay..along the seashore..under the hot summer sunny Sunday…..

And as I looked back…

There was a vivid ray of sunlight directly shining upon me…then I have come to realized, it had been three years…three long years since that day I’ve met this guy who meant so much to me…

Social networking sites are rampant nowadays, wherein people around the globe meet different kind of people, in race and in attitude. They differ in culture, differ in Religion, differ in beliefs and differ in many aspects of life. Humans are humans, individual differences there is;  but still, they have something in common,  the mind that thinks, the body that responds, the soul that moves emotion and most, and foremost, the heart that loves. And, we only have One  Mighty God who truly protects and loves.

Everybody seeks a friend who could turn a gloomy day into a real happy moment. A friend who will  always be ready to share life’s experiences, strengths and hopes . One who gives guidance, offers wisdom and understanding and one who cares for you through the good times and a constant light through the bad. The bond of Friendship is everlasting. It is the most valuable gift men could ever have. It completes our desire to love and be loved…to understand and be understood. It is that closeness that makes us feel connected….It’s like magic…turning a fantasy into a reality….miles away becomes so near….Filipinos, Indians, Americans, Chinese and many other race become one….in Friendship….in Love.

It all started in a simple ,“Hi”….”Hello”…”How are you?”…”Take care”…”Sweet Dreams”….. unending words of care, undefinable words which show longinglyness and compassion. Everyday seemed to be so perfect. I can see the sun smiling down on me…The blue sky keeps on moving as I watched the different clowns dancing and it looks  like different  forms were painted to make me happy.

That was when I met you…..

There isn’t any day that you failed to send me a message of hope and encouragement. You have shown your innermost insights and feelings in your own special ways. There maybe times when, strong wind and thunder, heavy rains and storms come to test our friendship but even then, like in life, we treated those as light burdens. Our relationship could simply be compared to a roller-coaster ride, it has its ups and downs. Sometimes we fear, we feel pain and trouble but we never complained. We believed that our relationship can last a lifetime.

When my life was going too fast, off the train tracks, you made a way to slow it down so you can be right where I was. You have taught me many things; Great Sense of Responsibility, Self-Respect, Self-Endurance, Honesty, Brilliance, Hope, Patience and Most, LOVE,for both Men and God...

And as I looked back at everything we’ve shared, where we have been, through thick and thin, whenever we share both joys of ecstatic feeling of intimacy over dramatically intense feeling of grief and despair brought about by physical absence, I have learned what it meant to stand the test of time, and this lesson is invaluable. In this life, I would always loved to thank God for our lasting friendship.

No matter how much time had passed, when we interact, when we talk, we pick up right where we left off. And this is greatly amazing!

I have watched you changed through the years…. You’ve grown physically, you’ve greatly developed your inner thought and talents and strongly built confidence within you. You’ve come to accept the things and somehow, uprooted the racial and religious prejudice which evolved in our relationship, and this, I am gratefully overwhelmed of what you have become. "You are a Great Friend who in one package; a Trusted Friend, a Dreamer, a Gifted Writer and a Poet in one. You are a Man of wisdom"!

BY-

Jenny :)