…Sometimes, I wish for change. Sometimes I
wish that men would be nicer and that women could make up their minds about
what they want once in a-while. Sometimes I wish that she will come back to me
and love me again. Most times I don’t. Wish for that, I mean. Because I know
now that I miss something that no longer exists. Something that disappeared a
few years back and that probably won’t find it’s way back anytime soon. Other
people have started to notice too. Asked me about it. Come to me with their
questions hoping that I have answers. Most time I don’t. She is gone, lost. I
saw her the other day and her smile was broken. Not literally speaking of
course, she doesn’t get into fights or anything, she’s not like that. At least
she wasn’t before. It was her smile that gave her away. The smile that I had
studied for a year and knew by heart had changed into a grim smile. Suddenly it
starting calling out for help.
And that was when I knew. I am going to help her. Because she is the one. She
is my soulmate. She is my everything. And I owe it to her. I owe it to us… ”It is better to have tried and failed
than to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I
actually got through to her and helped her find his way back. To me. To her. To
life. To us.”
.
.
.
.
(5 years back..)
I spent one year out of my life with you. Just one. Just one measly year out of 21
years of my existence and the impact you left still keeps me wondering about
you from time to time. I met you at a strange time in my life. I was still
talking to another girl who had completely and utterly destroyed my heart and I
was trying to win her back and move on from her, all at the same time. My heart
was a mess but you never found that out about me and maybe that's why you meant
so much to me, because in you, I found a girl who was completely new.. Right
then, right in that moment- I knew that I could fall so dangerously hard for
you, but I also knew that it was impossible- that you were basically just a
figment of my imagination from here on out, and that for once in my life, I
could be a boy whom both you and I had never met. You made me smile so big, you
gave me butterflies, and you had real manners. You told me about your life;
about how much you hated liars, how grey it always was and how much you loved
being over here. You told me about your little brother and his craze for GTA
vice city. You told me about your mom and dad and what they did for a living.
You told me about being yelled at every time you see a cat while in kitchen.
You told me about my own city, you knew more about this beautiful place than I
had known, I felt like the tourist. I had so much fun with you, I laughed and i
blushed and I felt so important to you. I learned that you laugh lil’ weird but
very cute “ha ha ha…” instead of saying
thanks, that you love to have rajasthani cuisine and you hated rice, that your
choice of having a 5 star chocolate instead of dairymilk chocolates matches
perfectly with me. I was just genuinely captivated by everything you were.
I never saw you after that. You moved to a real world, clear across the world
from me. We kept in touch for a bit, but eventually your contact became less
and less until you faded away. I can only assume by now you have met another
boy to captivate for the life. But thank you. Thank you for that one year.
Thank you for holding doors open for me, thank you for paying for my mobile
recharges, thank you for making me happy even for a moment.
I always wonder why life sends you these people who steal your heart in an
instant, only to let them disappear shortly after. I always wonder what these
fleeting people in life are supposed to mean to you. I wonder how it's possible
to meet someone and feel so at home with them when you can't even name their
favorite color. I don't quite know the answer, but I do know this: at a time
when I was completely broken, you showed me what it was to feel again and for that
I will never forget you. You have forever captivated me in one year in a way
that it would take some, years to do. People come into your life for a reason,
a season, or a lifetime and you'll never know which someone is bound to be and
even more, you don't have a choice in deciding. You were a reason, but god, how
I would have loved to spend a lifetime with you.
.
.
.
.
(Today...)
I
want to see you this summer, I just don’t know if you want to see me again, I
believe that what we had was something special, I know it seem silly and that I
am a dreamer. I want to believe that you are my love and I want you to be my
love.
I wish I could talk to you about it, face to face but today I don’t know if I
have to courage to tell you.
I want to be with you.
“I had a dream the other
night about how we only get one life, woke me up right after two… stayed awake
and stared at your photographs. So I wouldn't lose my mind, if we only die once I wanna die
with, if we only live once I wanna live with you…”
“A” Missing you Miss. “K.S” (AKS)
